Getting used to technology, trying not to feel my middle aged awkwardness around 'new fangled things', stumbling, fumbling and continuing to try. It will get easier. I write this entry from my new laptop (Anton said that it is too big to be called a notebook). I have been playing with recording videos so I can start video blogging soon.
I can't post the video anywhere because you can't hear it! I am playing with the technology and am having fun with it. So, the actual first vlog was okay for content. Since you can't hear it, I am transcribing parts to still share the ideas.
I started by saying that I am doing this, not knowing what’s to come. Really? Don’t we all on some level know what is to come? In our heart, our core of certainty we do know what is to come, all possibilities and the knowledge of what we are here to do.
I think a lot of the work right now is to get past the things that keep us from doing. My struggles and distractions are common. Mindless activity and lot of efforts to maintain a level of chaos through management rather than releasing the chaos. That is a never ending game, it is a trap. Staying on a course that leads nowhere doesn’t get you anywhere. Staying on a course that in itself is totally unrelated to where you want to go and what you want to be is a waste.
The longer I stay on the unrelated path the longer my work is hidden, the longer the world is waiting for everything I am here to share. The truth is that we are here to do work. Part of my struggle is how can I GET TO THE PLACE WHERE I AM DOING THE WORK.
I think sharing my struggle will resonate. I spend hours wondering about timing, when will something happen or be? The truth is that all the time I spend wondering is a distraction. I tell myself, if I only knew when or where or how. If only, if only, if only... If only is a trap, a game, a way to stay stuck. It keeps me from doing. I have to do in the present to get to the future. Eventually the doing will be different.
The doing of now, all things I have been avoiding, hang over my head. All this stuff to do. I need to just do it and get it out of the way. Things I find frustrating, things that seem to have no connection to purpose so I discount them. The truth is that every
action with a charge around it is about purpose. This is all stuff that needs to be done to get to the next place. Sorting things, putting stuff back, recording receipts, filing paperwork, everything I think is disconnected really is just waiting to no longer be an issue. Just get it done. If it is no big deal, just do it. I could talk/write a lot about not doing and how much would that get
done?? Not a lot.
For a few moments I stare out of my kitchen window. I describe what I see. There is the subtlest breeze, so slight that movement is barely perceivable. I talk about the barely visible movement and muse that it mirrors my movement, minimal movement, barely visible but movement, all the same. Baby steps.
And so it is. Karen
